COURTING VS DATING “RANT”

C VS D RANT

Good day chaps, so today I decided to research the differences between courting and dating. As I was researching, I decided to share my findings and thoughts on this subject.

Courting vs dating, the age old question most Christian teens ask themselves these days. Now most of you may be thinking ‘oh this is an easy one. Definitely courting!’ But today I am here to possible change your minds…..no I’m kidding I’m just going to rant about the differences between the two and give you MY personal preference on this subject. Just so you know, my mom and I have had numerous conversations about this, so don’t think that my parent don’t approve or disapprove of my decision.

So not that I am hating on people who did/are going to court, I just want to throw these questions out there. Why did you/are you going to court? Do you believe that “courting” will help keep you away from temptations? Do you believe that when you “date” someone the end results do not result in marriage? I am just really curious, please comment below your answers.

Differences of dating and courting:

Definitions:

Dating definition

“Go out with someone who is romanticly interested.”

Courting defintion

“Be involved romantically, with the intention of getting married.”

Now I just want to throw this out there, these are VERY stereotypical definitions. I know so many people who have dated and had the intention to get married. Just because you are “dating” does NOT mean that your intention is not marriage. Also, most courtships have someone accompanying and chaperon the couple whenever they are together. Sure this is a good idea because there are temptations and things, but also this concept is not the smartest.

Now before you dismiss me, hear me out. People tend to act differently if they know that they are being watched. How do you know for sure that the person is being completely honest with their actions and speech when there is always someone keeping an eye on the couple??? You don’t and that’s the one thing that I don’t like about courting. If I just meet the guy and we decided to court because we go to church together BUT I don’t know him very well. I would much rather go to dinner, without any chaperone, and find out his true character on my own then have someone constantly watching us. Because even I would not act like myself knowing that someone was watching us.

There is something called trust that needs to be instituted between the daughter/son and the parents. The parents need to trust their daughter/son when they get into a relationship. Am I saying that the daughter/son should not include their parents in anything. Absolutely not!! I know that my parents are going to be involved but I also know that I am going to have to get to know the guy on my own without having someone chaperone me and my boyfriend every time we are together.

Also the entire stereotype that dating cannot be Christ centered and marriage intentional are completely ridicules. Dating CAN be Christ centered and marriage intentional. I know that when I date (if I date), I am ONLY dating for marriage and I am only dating someone who is Christian.

Also, I personally want to know the guy I’m dating BEFORE I start to date him. If you read current courtship books, they actually tell you not be hang out/be friends with guys because it’s not good. Honestly my mom has actually told me that she would rather me date someone who I have hung out with and have known for a while other then someone who I just meet. I would much rather date my best friend then someone who I know almost nothing about. I also wouldn’t give up my guy friends for anything. Even though they can get really annoying at times, they still make life more exciting and fun.

Guys are also so much better to hang out with because they hardly ever bring drama with them! That’s one thing that I enjoy about being in an all boy class in my co-op (homeschool class) is that there is hardly ever any drama and we have so much fun.

But in all seriousness this rant was not about how courtship is terrible and shouldn’t be done. If you want to court go on ahead, I just mainly put down reason why I would NEVER court and why I am just going to date. Just as a final point no matter what title you give your relationship, there are going to be temptations, hardships, and trials. You can’t escape them but putting a specific title on your relationship.

I would love to hear your thought’s on courting vs. dating!! So please comment below. And please don’t hate, I am pretty much just ranting about why I personally wouldn’t ever court but I have friends who are courting or are going to court. I am not hating on those people at all!!

Till next time,

Abigail

I would love to hear you opinions on this subject!! Comment below what you believe!!

 

6 thoughts on “COURTING VS DATING “RANT”

  1. The categories of courting and dating overlap a lot. The important thing in my mind, is simply that the goal is marriage. Other than that, it is usually different for each person. And parental involvement does not have to mean that you are constantly watched by a chaperone/ parent. It simply means that your parents are involved in your relationships. Anyway, that’s all I have to say.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I completely agree with everything you say!! I must not have mentioned that everyone is different and has their own preferences on things like that. Okay, thanks for clarifying that, I know some things said that but others talked about chaperones and stuff like that. I know most are just the involvement of parents. Thank you for you input though!!!

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  2. Awesome post, Abigail! I went to public school growing up, and though I grew up in a Christian household, I had never heard of courting until I started watching 19 Kids and Counting. That being said, I’ve only dated two guys: a guy I was friends with for a few years before we decided to date, and my current boyfriend who was introduced to me by my cousin. In both cases, I dated/am dating with the intention of marriage. In both cases, we made it clear that we would keep the relationship pure. The first relationship lasted a year and a half, and my current relationship has lasted over 2 years. I would never date someone who I knew wouldn’t be “husband material” one day, and when I have kids someday, I will advise them not to date until they’re mature enough to discern a godly relationship from a worldly one. 🙂 Thank you for sharing your perspective!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re welcome and thank you for your story!! I am really glad we agree on this! Dating for marriage is very important!!! And waiting until they’re mature enough to discern a godly relationship from a worldly one is also VERY important!! Thank you again for your perspective and story!!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Love this post Abigail! I grew up in a Christian home, home schooled, and my parents only allowed us to court (after 16) but it caused so many problems. For one, at 16 I was terrified to be thinking about getting married. I wanted to get to know the guy because I had a crush on him…..not because I wanted to start planning a wedding. So I never even had my first boyfriend until I was 17, and because of the courtship rules (always taking a sibling, no physical contact at all- not even holding hands-, dates always in a public setting etc.), that relationship was a mess. Sure, we were “pure” but like you said, there was no way for us to even get to know each other.

    Long story short, my parents noticed this and changed the rules to “dating with intentions” for my younger siblings, but honestly I still don’t agree with that 100%. I don’t believe that one should “never date unless they’re ready to be married”. I think it’s good to have the marriage mentality going into a long-term relationship and being aware of what a godly relationship is before calling someone your “boyfriend”, but as far as going out with someone to catch a movie, grab a meal, etc. I believe that is what allows us to get to know people to even spark the interest. And if you call it what it is, a date, then you can avoid the dreaded friend-zone and the confusion of “what are we”. So honestly, my stance on this is to keep your communication line open with parents, and your significant other. Honesty and communication are the best ways to avoid problems and to stay pure in a relationship.

    My current boyfriend (actually the same guy I originally courted) and I are dating and we have kept our relationship pure by communicating, setting our own boundaries, and by going to the Word with any questions or concerns we have. Since the expectations of courtship were eliminated, our relationship is much better and far more pure because it’s by choice, not by rules.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Exactly!! My parents rules is that I have to be 18 to date and I know that I probably won’t be ready to get married as soon as I get a boyfriend but it’s imprtant to have the mental aspect of marriage when dating someone.

    I agree, communication is very important between parents and your significant other! I am super happy for you that you and your parents were able to change the rules and now you have a pure, better, and even a relationship that you want!! Thank you again for commenting!!

    Like

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